A recent study published in the July issue of Developmental Psychology confirms what many educators already know: a child’s ability to exercise self-control is a determining factor in his or her success in school.  Indeed, self-control can be more important when it comes to ensuring student achievement than IQ or a host of other factors.

Children who have impulse control and are self-disciplined fare much in school emotionally, behaviorally, and academically.  These are all reasons our guidance curriculum and so many aspects of our behavioral/school discipline plan focus on self-control. 

As a principal, I can walk into any classroom on any day and identify right away those students who are exercising self-control. You can see it in their ability to listen. You can see it in their focus. You can see it in their level of on-task behavior…   It really is the strongest indicator of student success in school. 

What can you do as a parent to foster self control in your child?  Education World has published a list of several ways:

Controlling Impulses
Skill 1: Managing Situational Lure
– Learning to identify appropriate behaviors outside the classroom
– Learning to adjust behavior to match the situation
Skill 2: Demonstrating Patience
– Learning to wait
– Learning to take turns
– Learning to help others
Skill 3: Verbalizing Feelings
– Learning to build a feeling vocabulary
– Learning to identify one’s own feelings
– Learning to identify feelings in others
– Learning to share feelings
Skill 4: Resisting Tempting Objects
– Learning to discuss how the allure of material objects can influence behavior
– Learning to evaluate the need for material objects
– Learning to use objects appropriately

Following School Routines
Skill 5: Following Rules
– Learning to understand why rules are necessary
– Learning to identify with rules
– Learning to monitor one’s own behavior
Skill 6: Organizing School Materials
– Learning to follow instructions
– Learning to plan a task
– Learning to organize materials to complete a task
– Learning to complete homework
Skill 7: Accepting Evaluative Comments
– Learning to learn from mistakes
– Learning to distinguish criticism from teasing, sarcasm, and mean statements
Skill 8: Making Classroom Transitions
– Learning to follow steps in a routine
– Learning to move appropriately around the classroom

Managing Group Situations
Skill 9: Maintaining Composure
– Learning to ignore classroom distractions
– Learning to independently select a classroom activity
– Learning to behave appropriately when the teacher is out of the room
Skill 10: Appraising Peer Pressure
– Learning to evaluate a situation in terms of personal beliefs about good and bad choices
– Learning to act in accordance with personal beliefs
– Learning to identify peer situations where students should say “no”
Skill 11: Participating in Group Activities
– Learning to help others
– Learning to cooperate
– Learning to contribute to group discussions
Skill 12: Understanding How Behavior Affects Others
– Learning to identify behaviors that affect others
– Learning to demonstrate helping behaviors
– Learning to behave responsibly

Managing Stress
Skill 13: Adapting to New Situations
– Learning to identify ways by which people adapt to their surroundings
– Learning to cope with change
– Learning to direct one’s own behavior
Skill 14: Coping With Competition
– Learning to identify positive attributes of competition
– Learning to participate in competitive games
Skill 15: Tolerating Frustration
– Learning to identify feelings of frustration
– Learning to develop methods of coping with frustration
Skill 16: Selecting Tension-Reducing Activities
– Learning to identify physical signs of stress
– Learning to identify situations that cause stress
– Learning to identify tension-reducing activities

Solving Social Problems
Skill 17: Focusing on Present Situation
– Learning to evaluate disturbing feelings
– Learning to concentrate on a task
Skill 18: Learning From Past Experience
– Learning to describe a chronology of events
– Learning to learn from the experience of others
– Learning to learn from one’s own experience
Skill 19: Anticipating Consequences
– Learning to explain cause and effect
– Learning to understand the meaning of consequences
– Learning to accept consequences for behavior
Skill 20: Resolving Conflicts
– Learning to recognize situations
– Learning to develop alternatives to conflict
– Learning to use words to resolve conflicts

Teaching Self-Control: Strategies for Parents
The National Association of School Psychologists offers strategies to help parents teach self-control and to help them deal with their child’s feelings as they teach the skills.

Teaching Your Child Self-Control
This KidsHealth.org article offers suggestions to help parents teach their children to control their behavior. Tips are provided for kids from infancy to adolescence.